FIRSTLY, let me admit that when it comes to relationships, I am not the most experienced. Not for a lack of options though, because I have definitely dated more than my fair share of women (yes ladies, I used to be one of those ‘I don’t like labels guys, just so I didn’t have to fully commit to any one woman. Shameful, I know. But with maturity comes wisdom – and I’m better for it now). I have also seen a lot of bad relationships (as I’m sure you have too) – which is likely the reason I was so adverse to being in relationships for so long. Abusive ones.
Stale ones. Convenient ones. They really do come in all shapes and sizes. And because of my relationship aversion, I have likened myself to the student, sitting silently in the background – hoping to learn from the master. One thing you learn when you play in the background is that you get to see what other people can’t – because they’re simply too close to the action. It’s the same reason a psychologist is so quiet. He’s assessing, aka, learning… by playing the background. And what I’ve noticed is that women have this amazing ability to just deal. I think part of it stems from having to endure the pain of childbirth. But I feel like it goes much deeper than just that. See, women, throughout history, have had to be the actual strong ones in a household. I know us men like to carry the title of being the strong provider of the family, but let’s be real with ourselves -- women are the real glue that bonds a household together.
Depending on the situation, many times women have to play both mom and dad roles – out of sheer necessity. Or they have to instinctually keep their children and household safe from harm. Hell, it even goes back to the stone ages, where people thought it was the man ‘being the hunter and slaying some poor animal for the families food. But in reality, and more times than not, it was the woman gatherings kept the family from starving.
WANNA CONNECT TO THE PLANT-BASED COMMUNITY?
It’s a beautiful thought to think of a woman picking veggies and grains – with her child strapped to her – and showing up to her idiot husband who comes home empty handed from another failed hunting trip. I picture it like this: Can you just come and help us gather and stop listening to your idiot friends telling urging you to hunt? I’m tired of taking care of the cave and the children, while you go off for hours with Bob.
But this all leads me to something that I have noticed becoming somewhat of a trend in the vegan community. Which is, vegan women are more likely to stay in bad vegan relationships longer. I previously wrote a blog about why if guys were smart they’d go vegan. It referenced, among other things, the disparaging numbers when it comes the number of vegan women versus men. Yes, I get that it’s quite high, but I also mentioned how there was light at tunnel's end because more and more men are going the vegan route.
With that being said, imagine a vegan relationship between a man and a woman (or a woman and woman, or man and man). It’s the stuff fairy tales are made of because I’ve seen over and over, on multiple platforms, it being referenced as such.
Single vegan women clamoring for a vegan man – accepting nothing less. For those ‘lucky’ few women in one of these magical relationships, with an actual living, breathing vegan man – boy oh boy has she hit the jackpot! I mean, WOW! She has really done well for herself! Alert the presses, she’s got herself a vegan man! Come one, come all, and see this vegan man and he lives and breathes in all his splendor! Ok… I hope you see where I’m going with this. I have seen so much hoopla around this subject that writing in exclamations seemed only fitting. But this is also part of the problem. Because the numbers aren’t in the favor of women, and because vegan women so adamantly want a vegan significant other, they’ll likely stay in something that’s not working longer. Because they don’t want to give up that ‘prize’ that so many other women are looking for. AND because they are told, over and over, how the numbers aren’t in their favor.
It’s the same reason why the schlubby guy who’s dating a hot chick will do anything to keep her – because, like a vegan woman, he doesn’t think he can do better if it ends. And I get it. I really do. One thing I’m clear about when it comes to human behavior is our dislike for change. We HATE it! Especially when it’s something that’s likely to be harder than what we previously knew. It’s the same reason why people stay in crappy jobs for longer than they should – fear. Or better stated, fear of the unknown.
Vegan women in a relationship with a vegan man know how ‘good they have it.’ Or at how good they’re TOLD they have it. They know how seemingly rare it is (it’s not a rare as people make it out to be). And they are fearful – just like anyone else – only in a different way. But what I want women in those relationships to know is this – take the leap. I am pretty much regurgitating what I tell everyone when it comes to anything they want to do in life. But it really does fit into this scenario so well. Yes, finding a good vegan man, by the numbers, is harder. But, you’re not in prison, so identifying with a number isn’t necessary. I hate statistics – because they never tell the whole story. They rarely, if ever, account for things like chance, or coincidence, or just dumb luck. But that’s what life boils down to, sometimes. Good ol’ fashioned dumb luck.
Being at the right place at the right time, you’re reading this right now for a reason that statistics can’t quantify. And that’s the way you have to see yourself. The thought of spending my life, or a significant amount of time, with someone I’m not really into, for any reason other than love, scares the hell out of me. And I hope it does you too, because it really is a sad way to live. Life is meant to be enjoyed to its fullest – not half way. Yes, ladies, I’m talking to you! If this angers some ladies, good – it should. But overall what it should do is to spark you to do something different inside all of you. Something more than being someone that will stay in a crappy relationship out of fear. Don’t fall on the sword this time, ladies - you've done enough of that. And if you still decide to after reading this, then blame no one but yourself - because I tried.
Vegr Contributor, Student, Game of Thrones Fan.