Vegans have to go through so much shit – I'm talking so, so much, that we take extreme pride in being vegan. Because it's not easy, and has its challenges. And overall, there is literally nothing more unselfish than not eating animals and using their byproducts. And the effects of this level of sacrifice means something. When you work hard at anything, you want results. If it's a job, then you want to move up and get a better, higher paying position. If it's sports, you want to move up and get more playing time and money. If it's a relationship, you want to get to know each other's idiosyncrasies, and communicate better. And vegans want a more humane world, and everyone who'll listen to know that they're drawing a line in the sand. Which is why it troubled me when I heard about the growing number of fake vegans.
See, I am very on board with people taking their time to discover veganism. Because with time, generally comes knowledge. And I'd rather them take a year to go vegan than try it over night and give up because it's 'too hard'. When in reality it was because they had a lack of knowledge and preparedness. That being said, fake vegans bother me because they're, well, fake.
See, if you tell me you're vegan, silly me is going to expect you not to, ya know, eat meat or drink milk. Things of that nature. But I met a friend's sister-in-law recently. And she told me that she was vegan. You can imagine my joy. It was really nice to meet her. She was attractive, charming – the whole nine. If anything, I felt like I had met a new friend with whom I could discuss every vegan thing under the sun. As the night drew on, my friend whispered to me, in confidence, that her sis-in-law had just eaten meat the night before. And for that matter always did, from time to time. She told me that she tells everyone she's vegan. WTF!
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No, like seriously, WTF! I get it, vegan is on trend at the moment (actually, it's been on trend the last five years or so, because it's actually not a trend, and people are more informed than ever. But that's a conversation for another day), but don't introduce yourself to me as a vegan, get me all excited, then have me find out you're basically just like a preacher that's holy on Sundays, but snorting coke off Hookers the Saturday before. I don't like fake people as is, so that's the exact wrong kind of introduction to make with me, if you're trying to capture my attention. The rest of the night consisted of me initiating heavy avoidance techniques. Using people as shields, duck and cover methods –the whole nine yards. I was tempted to tell her to f*ck off, but that's not the tone I wanted to set that evening.
And it would have put my friend on blast for telling me in the first place. Though it really did open my eyes to the world of fake vegans. I love this vegan cause to death, and it angers me that people would use it for social acceptance – as if it was a name being dropped to a bouncer to get into a club.
But the good part in it all is that it lets me know that people are intrigued about veganism. And continues to let me know that – much like the Internet – it's indeed not going anywhere. So please, fake vegans – stop it. You're embarrassing yourself and making a mockery out of something very serious. Basically, grow a pair and either go vegan... or don't. But don't straddle the fence. Either sh*t or get off the pot.
I'm done now.
PS... sis-in-law asked my friend about me a few times. But apparently, I have a girlfriend whenever she does. Sounds good to me!